Self-Reflecting on Where One of Our Own Fits in the World Around Him

Dear Friends and Colleagues,

For those of us who work with bright and creative individuals on the high end of the spectrum, we continually are struck by their achievements and abilities. But often we spend more time thinking about how to help them with their areas of challenge instead of celebrating their strengths. One area that many young adults struggle with, whether neuro-diverse or not, is self-reflection.

But a parent of one of Hill Top's alumni wrote a piece for a course he is taking at college. Carter said that he didn't mind using his name and would enjoy being part of the conversation.

So, I am sharing this insightful, reflective piece from a young man we all respect immensely. I hope you enjoy this piece as much as I did that was an assignment for an interpretive dance class that Carter enrolled in this semester.

Thank you, Carter, for allowing us to share this.
TWN

Dance Project #2 Theme Essay

What my theme is about is longing for reality. By that, I mean that the feeling that one’s own life does not feel real, full, genuine, or complete enough, and feels more like a life in a fish bowl, isolated tiny island, or tiny room, rather than a whole world full of places and experiences. This includes the feeling of the need to explore, and to know the world and its people more. Some of this may include looking into the past during certain moments that best demonstrated this “truer” reality full of experiences, whether it is a hangout, deep friend or familial conversation, a trip, a walk around a local area, the witnessing of an event, seeing problems up close, or getting involved in important work. These factors also lead to one’s dreaming of a future that feels more “real” than the life that is currently being experienced.

This relates to me personally because I have for a long time, during my small private school days and in college, despite being in a much larger environment, felt isolated, out of place, or only experiencing the surface of what my life and experiences truly should be. When I converse, I do not often get into deeper conversations as I wish, or get to know people very much, and I often have to be the one pushing for that sort of connection in conversations. My friends are often busy, and I do not get to have the hangouts or experiences I wish to have with them, which they sometimes desire as well. I learn so much from my studies, but want to know more, especially in terms of certain skills as graphic design, video editing, Photoshop, improved sketching skills, and many others. As for the issues, subjects, culture, lifestyles, and various work of the world, I feel I only scratch the surface on them, and need to get to see them closely and on a personal level in order to learn more fully. My search for valuable work this summer and in the past has been mostly fruitless, with few exceptions, and I feel I am falling behind compared with other people in terms of experience, and that makes me fear that I will not find work after college. On top of that I feel that I am in such a rush with my regular routine that life is passing me by too quickly, and I am already missing out on these experiences, and will not be able to make up for them later on in life. This has made me feel the emotions of boredom, stress, annoyance, frustration, and depression, but I still feel hopeful and optimistic at times fortunately that I will find my “true” reality.